I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
