u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
