be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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