I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
