He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
