He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
