the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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