**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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