my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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