Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I pour the whiskey from now on
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize