I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
