Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
