Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
