so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need moral support for this bender
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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