you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
