Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
