I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
