I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
