My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
did i just pee glitter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
