ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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