Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
