i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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