Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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