He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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