I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
