update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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