What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm having to shit out rocks
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