what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
