It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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