Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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