i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
