I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
