he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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