Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
