My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
