our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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