I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
