you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
