pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
