i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
