Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
