I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
