i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
