There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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