ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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