I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
