I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
