look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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