I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
