i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize