she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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