You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
