I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
