I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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