OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
