What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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