Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
