Me too!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
