i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
send nudes
from the living room?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
