next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
