How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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