I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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