READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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