Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
