I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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