Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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