I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
