matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
