I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All I want is dick and wine.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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