walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
