Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
