Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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