when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
either way he was missing a nipple.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We were destined to go to rehab together
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
