i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
