i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
