I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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