Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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