that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I cockslap morals
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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