Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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