I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
