Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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