Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
