is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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