forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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