This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We are two peas in an std pod
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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