I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
