Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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