What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
