no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
