No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
