is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Randomize
