im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
