My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
