I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
