its not stalking. its research.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
