You smell like a Billy Joel song
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
