Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
