We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
