Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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