Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
