No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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