i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize