Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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