$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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