i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
