Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think your dad took our porno
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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