Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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