I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
