Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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