It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
