i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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