I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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